i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
