Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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