the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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