NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
