I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
