Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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