i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
