i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
