So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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