(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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