I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
