This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
