Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
