I wish I only lived at night.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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