she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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