yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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