ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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