He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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