i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
