Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
