Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
