That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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