I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
