3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
