Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
