I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
