will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
