Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
