okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
