remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
