Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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