Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
