Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
