Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Come share oat with me in your robe
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
