i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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