She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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