I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
