I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
