): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
