Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
