Me too!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
