Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
