How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
