maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
