You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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