I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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