It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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