the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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