"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
