you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
