The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
