Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize