I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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