great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
