Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
