My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
