do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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