PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
