Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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