thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
