if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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