I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
