How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
