its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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