Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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