oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
