she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
