Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
