can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
