Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
