i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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