It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
