Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
