I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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