Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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