grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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