what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
