I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
