Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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