you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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