I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
