I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
