just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
