I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
