Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
