I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
sex in a hospital.. check
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
