I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
