Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
