I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
