He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
