She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm at about main and main street
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize