oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
