the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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