11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize