dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
