A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
there is puke in my bra ... again
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