I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
