Apparently you make a good broom.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
