my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
