i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize