what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
