I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
