I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
