I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
